FIRST LINES FRIDAY 56: The Perils of Mooning a Hitman

First Line Fridays” is by Hoarding Books and is all about the first line of a current/upcoming read. Friday 56 is a meme hosted by Freda’s Voice, where you turn to page 56 (or 56%) in what you’re reading a find a snippet that jumps out at you. The idea to combine the two came from Nicole @ BookWyrmKnits.

I found this meme on The Writerly Way. And I’m doing this on a Thursday just to be difficult.

Without further ado, here is my very first First Line Friday 56…


I wonder when stakeouts became boring. In movies or crime novels it always sounds fun. Let’s go stake out the supervillain like a badass! What they don’t show are the five consecutive days of staking out whatever it is.

It’s clear that I’m bored when I’m not using my binoculars to watch the house I’m supposed to be watching but am, instead, staring at the neighbor’s TV. What’s worse is that The Bachelor is on. Since I can’t hear them, I like to pretend I know what they’re saying.

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“Did you add all this stuff about Hardek?”

“No, but I think I saw some mice gyrating on your keyboard last night. Of course I did! Who else would have?”

“Well, you should have told me. I shared the file with everyone in the meeting and I didn’t read what you wrote.”

He snickers. “Oh, yeah… that was supposed to just be for you. I didn’t know you were such a sharer. You rarely share with me. I’m like ‘let me see your balls’ and you’re like ‘no, it’s my ball sac.’”

“We were at a family cookout!”

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What happens when a snarky hitman and a by-the-book PI cross paths?

Being a hitman has its perks, but I never thought getting an accidental mooning by an attractive PI while he’s caught on a fence would be one of them. While it’s not exactly love at first sight, he’s captured my interest and won’t let go.

Suddenly, I find myself caught in a game of cat and mouse, determined to attract the attention of Jackson, the PI who should be my enemy. He pretends like he’s not flattered by my flowers and the mentions of my totally-not-fictitious blow-up doll Randy (or was it Dandy?), but I know better. Why else would he be teaming up with me to bring down Hardek, one of the city’s most ruthless criminals?

Even though the cops are telling me that the hitman is a notorious contract killer, I can’t help but admit that I’m drawn to him. He’s funny, charismatic, and attractive. There’s no way this ridiculous man can be the person the cops are after.

But when Leland ends up at my doorstep injured, I’m faced with a tough choice. It’s my duty to hand him over to law enforcement, but my heart has other plans. I want to keep him. To protect him. To be with him.

Though one question remains: why in the world does the man have so many d*mn guns?

Contains: shenanigans on a swing that you would NOT find at a playground, a car chase that sadly doesn’t have flips or explosions, a horsey ride sans horse, cuddles, an exuberant mutt, a suspicious chief of police, and lots and lots of laughs.

I just finished this and I LOVE IT!!! The book is freakin’ hilarious! The post title alludes to the scene where Leland saw Jackson’s bum while he was attempting to jump over a fence. From then on, the hitman was obsessed!

Leland has the relentless energy of a hyperactive 5-year-old after a candy binge and he’s bent on having the PI. Can Jackson stay strong enough to resist?

Review soon…

What first lines grabbed your attention this week?

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