Never Hollowed By The Stare

Goliaths of Wrestling: Impromptu Match – Lily Mayne

I, Taylor Hough, am a painfully average guy.

I have the soul-destroying corporate job, I iron my underpants, and I was unceremoniously dumped for an influencer hippie a few years ago. Every day feels the same, and I don’t know how much longer I can cope before I do something unhinged like rip off my shirt in the middle of my co-worker’s office birthday party and smear lemon cake all over my chest.

But then a case of mistaken identity suddenly lands me in the middle of a covert professional wrestling league, which is apparently being run in the basement of my office building. Weird. Even weirder are the wrestlers. They seem… otherworldly. So does the rest of the staff. And the audience. Pretty much everyone except boring old me.

And then there’s the owner, Holt Hector, with whom I have an extremely embarrassing first encounter. He’s ridiculously attractive, even in the inhuman cosplay get-up he’s wearing that only makes him hotter, if I’m being totally honest.

Then I discover it’s not a costume. And that the show put on by Goliaths of Wrestling every night is more monstrous reality than mindblowing special effects.

My previously boring life is suddenly no longer quite so average, and hot-as-hell Holt is inexplicably as interested in me, and my ironed underpants, as I am in him and his strange new world.

As someone who grew up on WWE, Goliaths of Wrestling, a paranormal series about a secret league of monster wrestlers, is a spectacle I cannot miss!

Hard to believe that this is from renowned paranormal romance writer Lily Mayne, author of Monstrous, a post-apocalyptic monster-romance series that is as emotionally gut-wrenching as it is heartwarming. She does a 180-degree turn, starting with the series opener, Impromptu Match.

I didn’t read the blurb, just knowing this is about professional wrestling was enough to hook me. So I didn’t know what to expect when the story started with 39-year-old office worker Taylor Hough’s 1st-person POV, telling us how boring his life is, always falling into the same humdrum routine the moment he wakes up, goes to work, and even his evenings.

Taylor swears he used to be fun. He became this average, boring office drone who hated his job because his ex wanted him to fit a mold. Only to declare Taylor boring and promptly left him for a long-haired surfer.

The mood was the sad-funny of black comedies.

A rush escape from an office birthday party, an oddly specific request from a mysterious individual, and a case of mistaken identity plunge Taylor headfirst into the secret world of monsters, the underground Goliaths of Wrestling league, and its gorgeous, long-haired, grey-skinned owner, Holt Hector.

Then everything was stupid and funny and so dumb it’s brilliant!

Taylor and Holt hit it off by drunkenly oversharing their deepest, most shameful secrets. Taylor confesses everything from ironing his underpants while watching sad British soaps to farting in his boss’s office. Holt remembers accidentally ripping his skin-tight pants and exposing his butthole to a group of Japanese businessmen. He also confesses to throwing his back out trying to suck his own dick.

It was the start of a great found family, a blossoming romance, and a supportive if chaotic dumb and dumber relationship that could actually be goals…

Meanwhile, we are also introduced to the other employees. Larkin is Holt’s PA and a doofus fae unwittingly instrumental in Taylor and Holt’s meeting. Seb is a werewolf working as Holt’s bodyguard and may or may not be into Larkin.

The wrestlers were a riot! It’s a diverse crew with everything from a dullahan, the cowboy Dullahan Dan, to an incubus wearing a nun’s habit, Gabe, to a female satyr, G.O.A.T., an honest-to-goodness Valkyrie, Val, and a pair called Frank and Beans, who look like halves of a bean with super long dicks they can connect to form some kind of limbo stick finishing move. There are also vampires, ghouls, werewolves, and mothmen.

The plot alternates between Taylor interacting with the paranormals, Larkin’s dumbass antics, and going through Taylor’s mundane routines to increasingly creative shenanigans with Holt.

The gags were hilarious and since the wrestlers have supernatural abilities, the wrestling matches were extra OTT! I loved that the author captured the cheesetastic camp of wrestling gimmicks and up the ante by making the athletes actual monsters!

So I was kinda annoyed that there are too many sex scenes popping up like unskippable ads in a YouTube video. Then belatedly realized that the book is actually erotica. Though, what I liked about the sex scenes, and their relationship as a whole, is that it shows Holt being as equally dorky as Taylor.

When Holt was introduced as the enigmatic paranormal who feeds on other people’s feelings, you’d think he’d be all dominant, broody, alphahole type. I mean, look at him at the cover.

Nope, this is a man who complains that his balls are not symmetrical and wears smokey eyeshadow, leather pants, and pink cat-eye glasses, anything bright pink really. And this dork, adores everything about Taylor, from his sad office worker ennui to his British soaps.

Impromptu Match is a ridiculous, silly, kinda cute, and surprisingly uplifting tale of a man tired of life discovering that the world is full of wonders if you know where to look.

And as my English teacher used to say, the moral of the story is about loving a person, farts and all. It’s all about finding that freak that matches one’s freak. And if that freak happens to be an actual monster, well that would be quite a match!

Rating:
4 Stars – minor quibbles but I loved it to bits

Soundtrack: Nothing Worth Loving Isn’t Askew
Artist: Lemon Demon
Album: Dinosaurchestra

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IMPROMPTU MATCH: Kindle I Audiobook

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